CROWLEY

...C R O W L E Y: The title alone was enough to get me interested in reviewing this film, a 2007 release that just came out on DVD on March 24 of 2009 this week. Did I somehow miss this one? I had never known of it's existence until a chance spotting on the AMAZON website promoting its release with other titles. I did think it to be rather odd that this film was produced more than 2 years ago and is just now being offered on DVD, as today movies are released asap after a theathrical run to keep the bank coming in to the distributers.

..Aleister Crowley (1875-1947) was the regarded as most notorious Satanic occultist who ever lived. A man whose appetites for corruption, sadism, sexual excess and moral degradation knew no bounds. His sphere of influence, which included numerous published works extended far beyond England to the world at large, and some believed to the very depths of hell itself. When Crowley died, the world breathed a collective sigh of relief. But for those versed in the black arts, death is only the beginning, and he stated he would always come back...

..After a little online research regarding any possible early reviews published from other writers were out there to get a better sense of what this film was all about and what {they} thought about "CROWLEY" before I got my hands on a copy of it for review here in VISIONS, I was amazed to find out that the film was -NOT- a direct retelling, or even a fictionalized acount of of Aleister Crowley's life, writings, teaching, and the evolution of modern pratice of Satanic beliefs {referring to Himself as "THE BEAST", as per the theatrical trailor would lead us to believe on the -AMAZON DVD- site}.

..The film was actually produced and released under a totally different title, a different story premise, and a different marketing campaign! This is a repackaged / re-release of an old film... that to me is NEVER A GOOD SIGN. SAME OLE SHIT - DIFFERENT BUCKET! By the way, the lead singer of the 80's rock band IRON MADEN, Bruce Dickinson, is credited as "CO-WRITER... Nuff said!! ..Never liked their music either... it's just stupid.

...C H E M I C A L..W E D D I N G, {the film's ORIGINAL TITLE} is the hard to believe story of a Cambrige University Professor{played almost adequatly by Simon Callow.. Remember - the first 10 minutes are good, the rest of the film... well....} who, while at the time is attending secret Masonic-like meetings with other faculty and a brilliant young scientist added for good measure, dabbles in virtual reality with the resident computer geek to try to recreate Crowley's "ESSENCE" into mathematical equations. Persued by a nubile, young redhed student, of course working for the campus newspaper, tirelessly tries to get to the truth of what is so secretely going on downstairs. In addition to Callow, the film also stars Kal Weber, Paul McDowel, John Shrapnel, Terence Bayler and newcomer Lucy Cudden in her feature film debut. Yep, they are all big stars in MY BOOK!!

..Naturally, they never seem to {LOCK THE DOORS TO THE LAB} as everyone starts showing up, taking a trip in the V.R. suite crafted to look like the Michelin Man Tire Logo Masgot to induce the joining of Crowley's bad habits with the relentless search for the actual resurrection of Crowley Himself to continue his Satanic shenanigans and hijinks. Oh, by the way - there's also a midget if you look for him and naturally, some female nudity thrown in... Couldn't make a good film without that! Duh..

..If this sounds like a fun romp of high entertainment for an evening's personal viewing pleasure, I will, at my own expense, will call upon the psychicatric authorities in your immediate area to assist you in any way I can!

..I can not honestly say that I remember watching the film to the very end.. I think I did, but perhaps I was trying to block this mess out. The film's FIRST 10 MINUTES WERE ACTUALLY RATHER GOOD. This was what I was thinking the movie was.. Crowley passing on his life story and secrets to a follower to be continued before his death in 1947. The performance was good - well acted, the lighting very well done in some shots, and the events portrayed were rather close in acurately retelling one of the many versions of Crowly's last day and words. The filmmakers should have stuck with THAT STORY - not a pseudo-inspired ALTERED STATES / CROW DOUBLE FEATURE. This really set a good tone for the film as to what I thought was going to follow - WRONG!!

..Insted we get a weirdo Professor with a terribly performed speach impediment instantly turning into, mind you - in just a few scenes, with just the change of a now bald head and now dressed in a flamboyant purple "JOKER INSPIRED PIMP SUIT", turning into an ignorant, perverse massicist who likes to urinate on his students notebooks in class for laughs {and yea - probably the most memorable moment in the film... sad}. Do we really get to know what Crowley was {REALLY LIKE} at all from this... NO!

..IF ONLY the filmmakers kept going with the first 10 minutes of the film, re-telling the actual real story of Crowley for the next 80 minutes, {THAT} would be a film to seek out. Instead, oh Hell.... I don't know what this was supposed to be except the for loss of a $5.00 rental fee and 90 minutes lost in my life. The trailor is ridculously decieving and is not fair in giving the viewier information as to the "CONTEXT" of what we are viewing. I PERSONALLY WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU READ ABOUT ALEISTER CROWLEY ON YOUR OWN TIME FOR YOURSELF. For one - please just look him up on -WIKIPEDIA- to see for yourself what an very interesting source and incredible wealth of GOOD IDEAS could do for a film and actually exist in reality... Yet, they were not used at all in this film. NOT AT ALL Recommended...

DIRECT FILM SITE: http://www.chemicalweddingmovie.com/

..OUR ADVICE TO THE FILMMAKERS would be to burn the original camera negative asap so no further contamination to the viewing public will occur. If your eyesight and hearing is impaired, you won't be adversely affected as the rest of us.

..GOOD ATTEMPT, and maybe - possibly entertaining to some, but not most. I got through it without gouging my eyes out, yet have a sense of dizziness due to the film's stupidity level.

..RECOMMENDED. Sat through it with no feelings of nausea and dare I say it, I was entertained!

..VERY RECOMMENDED. Finally we have what can be called an actual film. Both entertaining and accurate in detail. Recommended HIGHLY by Visionsmagazineonline.com

..FILMMAKING PERFECTION. Worthy of the archival process. Own it in your own film library. No questions asked.

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